Who Asks You The Big Questions?

As I come in touch with hundreds of ministry couples each year, I am amazed how few have someone to ask them "the big questions". 

Most couples have no one to hold them accountable. But if they are accountable only to themselves, or even only to their spouse, they live in a world of jeopardy. 

Each of us is just one decision away from failure, and none of us is immune to temptations and weaknesses. I am no paragon of virtue, so I built several habits into my life as a pastor that helped me stay accountable:

• I met every Tuesday morning with a group of men who cared for me. We held each other accoutable as a fellowship of Christian brothers who cared enough about each other to ask the big questions.
• During my three decades as a pastor, in each ministry I found a man who was willing to enter into a covenant with me. Like Johnathan and David, this friend "made a covenant ... because he loved [me] as himself" (1 Samuel 18:3) We promised each other to meet once a week, pray for one another by name as often as we did pray and ask each other the big questions.
• The third point of accountability was Beverley, my wife. She asked me the big questions, but she also picked up little weaknesses or concerns along the way that were potentially dangerous to us and my ministry if not addressed.

What are these big questions I keep talking about? They may take several forms, but one of the best summaries I know is the list Chuck Swindoll used when he served in Southern California. He and the other male staff members challenged each other with these questions periodically (quoted by Chuck Colson in The Body, Word, 1992):

1. Have you been with a woman anywhere this past week that might be seen as compromising?
2. Have any of your financial dealings lacked integrity?
3. Have you exposed yourself to any sexually explicit material?
4. Have you spent adequate time in Bible study and prayer?
5. Have you given priority time to your family?
6. Have you fulfilled the mandate of your calling?
7. Have you just lied to me?